A Bloody Angel Beneath the Surface
by Bmmonteith
Summary: Kagome is being driven mad when she is unable to keep up with the demands placed upon her by School, home and Inuyasha. When the jewel starts talking to her, the anger she held in all her life bleeds out, leaving her a raging hollow shell of who she used to be. Can Inuyasha help remind her of friendship and the love of a man too stupid to tell her how he really feels? Bad summary.
1. Disclaimer

Disclaimer for the entire work.

This story is mostly about Kagome coming to grips with her feelings, and I chose to embellish ONLY the MOST relevant of the episodes, while changing the chronological arrange of the events. Most chapters will not be in the order they happened in the anime/manga. Most of the events that occurred in the anime/manga that I reference have happened behind the scenes, so there will be fewer unnecessary details, though it won't be confusing, as we all know the story right! Incidents are borrowed and used only when relevant to the story I am trying to tell. Other than that they are mostly genuine scenes, exaggerated by my own artistic influence.

I do not take credit for any of the original masterpiece nor is any of this work worth more than a few reads on the internet. It has no relation to the original storyline. I receive no payment for my work, just that what is given to me in the reviews/comments section.  
Thank-you, and please enjoy.  
I hope this didn't come across as aggressive an any way.


	2. Chapter 1 - Salt in The Wounds

**Chapter 1 – Salt in the Wound**

The sun barely crested the distant ridge and already the trees were thick with the sounds of fighting. Birds streamed out of the trees, their voices confused and bitter whispers lost upon the wind. As the hostile group grew louder, the world gave up any hopes of returning to a blissful sleep and with a grudging sigh rolled over and ignored the jarring interruption.

Kagome stood as tall as she could, trying to match Inuyashas' intimidating stance. He towered over her with his face turned up and away. A frown was plastered on his darkened face and his fuzzy ears twitched with annoyance. Kagome held her ground as he berated her, his voice cutting deep into her flesh. He blocked her path with his thin but strong body, and Kagome was left pleading with the unyielding Demon. With a single sentence he lost the entire fight.

"You can't go home! Don't be so stupid!"

Kagome took a step back, her voice sharpening and an anger she left mostly untouched rising. She cocked one eyebrow at the man child and chewed on her lip for a second. It was a second long enough that the boy before her cowed in fear.

"Is that so? SIT!"

She screamed at him, sending him plummeting into the ground. He cried in anger then pain as she hollered one, two, three more times. She stepped around him and walked daintily to the Bone Eaters Well, stepped up onto the lip and fell in, disappearing. Inuyasha whimpered and cursed the teen, but received no sympathy from the rest of his friends. He sulked in his hole of shame while the others wandered off to Kaede's Village, seeking refuge and advice.

X

On the other side of the well Kagome tossed her bag over the edge and pulled herself to the top. Her face was set in a grim expression as she took a deep breath, trying to abate the hot, sticky anger.

"Stupid! Stupid, stupid Inuyasha! I have obligations in my own world too! It has been weeks since I came back. Stupid… Stupid boy." She kicked the wall of the well as she monologued, gathered her thin bag up and tried to erase the anger from her mouth. She peeked carefully out of the well house before quickly opening and shutting the sliding door. She walked stiffly to her house and, ignoring the fact that it wasn't even mid-day yet, was looking forward to a hot bath and a nice comfortable bed to burrow in. Tomorrow was Monday and today, today she was going to relax and try to prepare as best she could. Her time back in the Feudal Era was too hectic to get much done and she was considering studying a bit, though she was not gripped by any determination or motivation to do so.

Past the Sacred Tree she started to feel bad about sitting Inuyasha so many times, but rationalized that it was the only way. He was too stubborn for his own good anyway, and rude and mean and way to irritable besides. But would she like him if he was any other way? Probably. He had his moments that radiated warmth and a considerate heart, but always shut everyone out before Kagome could dig around and bring him to the light. He was just too scared. Not that he would never admit it.

"Mom! Grampa! Sota? I'm home." No response. She tossed her bag into the kitchen and stood for a long moment, staring at the two little notes on the counter. Sota, scrawled in quick uneven print, went to a friend's house. Mom, neatly handwritten, had gone shopping and Grampa. Well he needed more sutras and other priestly goods he didn't have the gift to use. Kagome smiled a bit and escaped to her room, glad there would be no overwhelming homecoming.

She flopped onto her bed and sighed deeply. This was the life she should have, and yet, it was the life she was struggling to live. No matter how much she tried to catch up it seemed she was behind every step of the way, in figurative and literal language. Of course living a double life as a priestess in Medieval Japan was no picnic. Sometimes she wished she could just be normal. Go to school. Have a summer job. Go on dates. Live the carefree life a teenager should have. But then she would always think about her friends she left in the past and how their lives were even worse off than her and she would feel bad. Horrible really. It was never an easy topic to breech. It was never easy to compare the life of a girl 500 years in the past to one of today's modern world. There was no comparison, the past stunk yet Kagome still wasn't happy with the few commodities she had here; the privilege of having a home to come home to. Of having family unmolested by evil, of the chance to get an education, modern transportation and luxuries, not to mention the equality the past severely lacked. The past, the present, the future. She didn't see the silver lining to what she was doing, and it left a hole in her life she just couldn't seem to understand or fill.

 _Maybe I'm getting sick_. Kagome sat up abruptly, staring at a pile of unopened books on her dresser. There was a test coming up. There was always a test, just one more hurdle to conquer. It never ended.

 _I should study._ Instead she grabbed a towel and skipped off to the washroom, filled the tub with scalding water and lots and lots of soapy suds and soaked for near an hour.

 _It can wait can't it?_

X

"Kagome!"

Kagome jumped, startled by the screeching of her three best friends. They crowded around her, each trying to speak over the other. They asked multiple redundant questions. A tiny handful of their curiosity questioned her absence from life, as well as a barrage about Hojo the, in their own words, cutest eligible bachelor in school. Knowing Kagome refused to talk about her illnesses, they started in on her relationship status.

"Come on Kagome he hasn't stopped asking about you since you left and he is still, still! Asking!"

Kagome smiled awkwardly, "Uh… Yeah."

They always talked as though anything and everything Hojo did was to be examined. To be picked apart and analyzed, because it always, always miraculously! pointed back to her. To the love of Hojo's life. Kagome rolled her eyes.

 _I wish I was allowed to be this carefree._

"Don't tell me you're still rejecting him for that other guy! He's bad news Kagome! Hojo's, well he's kind and smart and likes you. Does that other guy even like you?"

Eri scolded Kagome, though it was Yuka, an avid hater of the relationship her and Inuyasha *didn't* have that added, quite sharply in Kagome's opinion, "He's a jerk Kagome! A delinquent! A two-timing scoundrel! You're playing second fiddle to another girl! If that was me, I would have dumped his butt the moment he laid eyes on another woman."

Kagome threw up her hands, stopping the questions with a deep exhale. Before she could explain for the hundredth time the nasty not- love triangle she shared with Inuyasha, the three girls crowded together and stared with near heart shaped eyes as Hojo wandered over.

"Hi Kagome. I hope you're feeling better. I brought you this. It should help with your back. And these will take care of that nasty rash." He smiled wide and looked away a little shyly as Kagome, embarrassed beyond relief, tucked away a little brown paper wrapped package.

"Um, Ka…gome, I was wondering. Do you… Do you want to go see a movie this weekend?" He was cute the way he asked. Stuttering a little at first, pausing on her name, rushing through the rest of his sentence. Cute, but not adorable. Inuyasha is adorable; those ears. No. Hojo just wasn't for her.

Kagome glared back at her friends, halting their peals of joy and gathered her hands in front of herself awkwardly. "Well you see Hojo, the thing is…"

"Oh my. You're not feeling all that well are you? I wouldn't' want you to get hurt more because of those hard theatre chairs. Maybe another time, when you aren't in so much pain then? Don't injure yourself on my account Kagome, I'll wait."

Kagome stood a little shell shocked as he waved and walked towards his first class. _Man this guy doesn't take a hint does he?_

"Why didn't you say yes Kagome? You two would make a perfect pair."

"Oh lighten up Yuka, she's in love! I think that's romantic."

"Please Ayumi everything is romantic to you. That other guy is bad news!"

Kagome took several deep breaths while her friends bickered and discussed the finer points of her, once again, not real relationship with Inuyasha and Hojo. "Would you three stop already? I'm not in love! I just. I just need to focus on my studies, that's all. I don't have time for boys."

"It's unrequited."

Kagome rolled her eyes at the small whisper. They looked at her and smiled sadly, then walked off to their first class. Kagome stalked ahead a few paces and tried to focus on the handful of things she memorized that morning. Well she would have, if she could remember what it was she had read.

X

"Higurashi, Kagome."

Kagome stood up as her name was called, her face flushed with embarrassment and shame. In front of her Professor's desk, and by extension the rest of her class, she felt like a child; like a child about to get slapped on the hand for misbehaving. She would almost rather have a hand slap. That would sting less than this.

"Kagome," the professor referenced a small paper before continuing, though his speech was so carefully orchestrated it was nothing more than a formal pause. "You have been absent for most of my classes this year so far. I'm sorry to say but you are failing."

Kagome swallowed and nodded tightly. There was no snicker from the class as they eavesdropped. Had it been any other student, the giggles would have started the moment her name was called. Even they felt sorry for her. Kagome burned up at the thought of the class, half stocked with kids she never even talked to, pitying her.

"Look at these test marks, you couldn't decline far or fast enough to match these marks if you jumped off the top of Mount Fuji. What is going on Kagome?"

Kagome swallowed again, though this time to drive down the lump forming in the back of her throat. Tears threatened her eyes, but she said nothing, only shook her head and shrugged.

He sighed and removed his glasses, rubbing his eyes. "Look. I understand you have… Illnesses. Tell you what. There is a makeup exam you can take at the end of the month. Ace that, and it will be like the past few months never happened. Fair?"

Kagome nodded vigorously and managed a faint "Thank-you Sir."

At the signal of the bell, everyone filed out, with Kagome bringing up the throng of teenagers. Her three best friends silently surrounded her as though to protect her from the world.

 **X**

 **Fun Fact! All the chapter names are going to be song titles! YAAAY! The lyrics aren't related to the story, but have magnificent names that are just so Mmm. This is test chapter one, I'm not confident in my other chapters to post yet.**

 **Salt In the Wound – Theory of a Deadman**


	3. Chapter 2 - Let the Pain Take Hold

Chapter 2 – Let the Pain Take Hold

The four mostly silent teens walked boldly down the middle of the sidewalk, forcing other pedestrians to either sidestep their rudeness or plow right between them. Majority chose to sidestep the girls than risk injuring one with a careless jostle of the elbow. Oblivious to the irritated people, they continued talking and laughing and giggling. Kagome walked on, appearing emotionless though not ignorant to the rising anger she felt growing in her chest.

"Please Kagome? Come to Wacdonalds with us. Just for a little while?" The three friends were adamant in their pleas, but Kagome was too irritated and depressed to sit at a table and listen to the girls gaggle on about boys, dates, and Hojo. No, she would just go home.

They all went their separate ways and Kagome allowed the anger to flood her system, washing away the embarrassment and pain of the day and filling it with white hot rage.

Why is it that Eri, Yuka and Ayumi get to just be carefree? Boys, marks, and High School. Kagome felt bitter. No demons plaguing those girls, just what boy and what girl will get together and be the topic of next session's gossip. Kagome knew it wasn't fair to be angry at her friends for her slot in life, but she couldn't help it _. What was the point to doing this anymore? There is no point. That's the point right there._

She started to run, a little jog at first then a full sprint, weaving around students, white collar and blue collar workers alike; around tiny tots and mothers, grandparents, fathers. She raced the lights, slipping past in the nick of time or racing through a light altogether, prompting a barrage of horns. One then another and soon the whole intersection was alight with ignorant honking but still Kagome ran.

Underneath the savage amount of stairs to the shrine Kagome paused for a moment then made a slow assent. The anger she felt didn't disappear with her run. It seemed to grow and manifest into something bigger, spreading to all parts of her body and mind.

Finally safe at home, Kagome stopped short of the brick walkway that led to her house. Her anger still hasn't subsided and she felt… wrong to enter her home that way, to put her anger out on her family. She laid her bag on the ground and wandered over to the Sacred Tree, still standing even after all this time. It seemed to be the only constant thing in her life besides chaos. It was, oddly, comforting to stand beneath the mighty tree and pay a little respect to the times it has endured. It, like every other tree, was ignorant to the human gazing up at it and continued to sway in the breeze. Watching the dappled light seep through the many leaves slowly helped to ease the anger from her mind, but it did nothing for the sense of loss and the foreboding feelings that took its place.

It was a horrible feeling that spread like wildfire. Like panic thorough a crowded subway. First it overtook her body, leaving her feeling empty and cold, tingly and heavy. Then it attacked her mind. Trying not to think of the hundred things that left her feeling hopeless, she bowed her head, uttered a short encouragement to herself and quickly retreated to her home.

X

After excusing herself from the dinner table, Kagome took refuge in her room. Surrounded by books, notes she hastily copied from Ayumi, and a stack of overdue worksheets, she tried to work on the confusing problems to help complete her slow crawl up the mountain she supposedly fell from.

The longer she sat, the more tired she became. The more tired she became, the less her notes made sense. The less her notes made sense, the closer she got to breaking. So close to breaking. The clock on her nightstand read 10:30. She had been sitting here for hours. She stiffly rubbed her eyes and leaned back in her chair, groaning and huffing with hopelessness. It didn't make sense! None of it!

She spun around on her chair, looking at her bed and the door. There was no reason to continue suffering over these confounded numbers. She slowly sat up, stretched and sprawled down on her bed, closing her eyes, but still unable to shut out her problems.

 _This isn't fair._

Kagome's mind raced from thought to thought, bringing on small moments of happiness and even greater moments of pain and embarrassment. She grabbed the small bottle of shards she left on her nightstand and jingled them over her head. All this pain because of these stupid shards. That stupid jewel. Hot tears began to spill from her eyes so quickly she hadn't had a chance to stop them, but still she attacked her life, bleeding it for every drop of anger and hurt and pain she has been covering up.

She was always the happy one, always smiling and helping people, always seeing the good in everything. There wasn't good in everything. Her life, right here and right now was major proof of that! Everything was falling apart, but she was expected to just get up and deal with it, play it off because that's who she is expected to be!

 _I'm sick of it! I'm sick and tired of being treated like dirt by Inuyasha, and like a weakling by everyone else!_

Her tears were no longer born of sadness, but of anger and her unfathomable rage backfiring. She swallowed, trying to force down the lump of hurt she had welling up in her throat. It always came back to this, back to the resentment that's been stifled too long. Back to the anger.

 _I have a duty to my friends back in Feudal Japan. But I also have a duty to myself. To live my own life here in my own world._

It was a feeling she knew was growing worse with the past few weeks. She felt it in odd moments throughout her day. When she looked at an ornery villager, or a sulking Inuyasha berated her. When she watched Miroku and Sango try desperately to hide their feelings for each other. It was too much to bare that one, to watch feelings being requited even if the other party didn't know it. She felt it when Koga pressed her to be his mate for the millionth time. He was a lot more dense than Hojo, but a lot more caring than Inuyasha. It left her feeling confused and oddly embarrassed and somehow used, shamed. Then there was her. Kikyo. Kagome mocked the name under her breath.

 _The master archer, perfect priestess, the once proud protector of the stinking jewel. A more lovable hunk of clay than a living, breathing me._

She didn't try to hide the jealousy dripping from her every pore. There was no one around to see it anyway. In fact wouldn't things just be easier if Kikyo took her place in the group? She can sense shards. She is more powerful. Her powers of purification were so immense Kagome couldn't even come close to her ranking as a Priestess.

 _Inuyasha would just love to have her as his partner. The perfect power couple they would be. Besides, she is so obviously strong he wouldn't need to worry about protecting her. Wouldn't need to baby-sit me anymore. Everyone would be better off and I could have my life back. That is that I want isn't it?_

The thoughts went round and round inside Kagome's head. She tortured herself with memories of Inuyasha rushing off at the drop of a pin to see Kikyo. Of how she tried to kill him, yet he still held love in his heart for her. He was too wishy-washy and a sudden memory of when they first met jumped into her mind. So much hatred. So much anger and betrayal and emotional pain. He acted so happy to know she was dead, to know she would never breathe again.

 _But he was faking? He must have been. Why would he fake something like that? How many other things does he fake? Does he even like me, or am I just a walking talking mineral detector?_

It was too much for her and she jumped to her feet. Kagome slid open her window, noting how loudly it seemed to roll now that she was trying to be silent. Barefoot, she overtook the balcony, scaled the roof and dropped to the ground. She stalked to the well house, threw open the door and glared down into the Bone Eaters Well, chewing on her disgust and outrage.

She yelled into the pit, her hands shaking. "I'm a human being too! I have feelings! "

She was hoping Inuyasha was near and that her voice carried through to him. She clenched her teeth, grinding and clicking _. I saved him from her spell. I set him free. Of course I broke the jewel, but it is I who have led us thus far! I got our group together, I am the backbone of our whole journey! I am important too! Aren't I? Isn't my role in his life…? In the group just as important as anyone else's? When is it my turn to be respected as more than a shard detector? He replaces me so easily with that. That stupid lifeless doll!_

"I wish she was dead!" Kagome pressed the heel of her hand into her eyes, finally bursting with emotion. She sobbed into the well, falling to her knees and whimpering nothing in particular into her hands. She allowed her blackening heart to consume her and eat away at her once pristine soul; all the feelings that have been building up since the moment she fell into the damn well. From this moment on, Kagome, unbeknownst to her, would never ever be the same.

Demons and monsters bloom in the dark,  
but ghosts and shadows can thrive  
even in the presence of light.

 **X*****X**

 **Let the Pain Take Hold – Devil You Know**


	4. Chapter 3 - Say My Name

Chapter 3 – Say My Name

Kagome wasn't sure how long she laid by the well. An hour? Maybe two? Or blast it all was it morning? Based on the soft pink glow emanating from the slits in the roof of the mini shrine, her answer was obvious. A clear rustling of the leaves of the God Tree brought her to wakefulness. Awake being a poor word chosen to describe her glazed eyes and numbed emotions. Her eyes were rimmed with pink and the once pristine whites were blood shot to an almost pure red.

Still tired and barely holding onto her consciousness Kagome pushed herself onto her heels, wincing at the needles running through her legs. Numb and pained, she propped her elbows on the lip of the well and peered down to the bottom. Her head was spinning with fatigue and guilt. With shame.

 _I have to get up. I have to move on. I have to get up…_

She pushed herself up, standing on tottering legs. A fresh wave of tears flooded her cheeks but they didn't last long. Instead, she smoothed out her wrinkled clothes, brushed off the damp dirt and ascended the stairs without looking back. At the sliding doors she paused, inhaling sharply. This pain was not new to her though exactly how she would describe it was impossible to say. It was both a dull throbbing in her chest and a sharp stabbing in her heart. It was a tiredness in her limbs and an eternal fatigue in her mind. And new upon the list of her pains was the guilt that seeped through her with no remorse. Guilt for both everything and nothing at the same time. It left her confused but she didn't dwell on it. It would remain a mystery.

 _How could I think such a thing? How could I wish such a thing upon another human being? I'm a horrible person. Just plain despicable._

Kagome held her breath in the face of another crushing wave of sadness and forced herself to step out into the growing morning light. According to her speculations Kagome assumed it was around maybe 5 or 6 in the morning. Her family would be getting up soon, aside from Grampa who would probably be around somewhere cleaning or 'sealing' artifacts. She was hoping that Grampa really was out in one of the shrines. Otherwise it could be awkward situation, explaining why she was outside this early smudged in dirt, tears and sadness.

Lucky for her the door was open. She slid in silently, ascended the stairs and stared listlessly between her bed and desk. Her books laid open and untouched all night, same for her bed. Which was more important right now she couldn't say, though her body seemed to decide on its own and she dropped onto the thick, cool mattress. She wished she closed her window last night. Even a few minutes ago, but the sleep that eluded her came quickly even with the cool morning air running over her back.

Her alarm clock went off almost as soon as she closed her eyes. Or so she thought. She did manage to squeeze in a whole hour and a half of sleep but felt no better because of it. With zero conscious effort and a mighty sigh she packed her bag, laid out her clothes and showered. Only three more days. Three days and she will once again risk her life in the venture to collect the slivers of the jewel. Three days and Inuyasha will be expecting her back. Three days and she will suffer the torture it is to watch the man she loves pining after another woman.

On the bedside table the shard in the bottle flickered once, twice, and dimmed so slightly it was not noticeable to the naked eye. Only the jewel itself was able to feel the miniscule loss of her purifying power.

X

With a back-breaking pack filled with books, food, clothes and assorted medical supplies, Kagome hovered over the well. The last few days swept by with impudent slowness. School was no easier and neither was her understanding of the various subjects. She would rather have spent another week or two at home but of course she couldn't afford to leave her friends alone any longer. Besides, she didn't want to suffer the silent wrath of her appalled teachers, nor did she wan Inuyasha to make one of his famous appearances at her home. The prospect of Hojo proposing another date was also a factor in her choice to leave. All were equally repelling.

Trying to put aside the horrible, poisonous thoughts she has been having towards her friends and Feudal pals, Kagome dropped over the lip of the well and disappeared in a flash of blue and purple light.

Back in the Feudal era she heaved herself up and over the edge, expecting at least Shippo if not Inuyasha to meet her. But no. She was alone. It wasn't the normal arrangement. Inuyasha was always there to meet her. Well, usually always. A little confused she started off towards the village, hoping her friends have at least figured out where they should go from here.

She decided he must be angry with her as she entered the village, or rather, still angry. She was still angry too, but this was excessive. She did nothing wrong.

Kaede's hut was not far now and she rubbed at her shoulders, already sore from her huge load. But everything in there was relevant and important. Especially the books. Very important.

"Kagome, how nice to see you child." Kaede greeted Kagome with a nod and a smile. Kagome, in return smiled and dropped her pack.

"Kaede! I have something for you." In her bag she grabbed a second larger med kit, packed with enough supplies to last the small village a little while. "I thought you could use this in the village as well. Bandages, antiseptic, painkillers. The usual stuff. It's a little stronger than most herbs in unusual cases."

"Ah thank you child. This will prove to be most helpful, especially in these troublesome times."

Kaede gave a sad shake of her head as she took the case and disappeared into her hut. Kagome looked around quickly, eyes darting from face to face. No friends.

"If it is Miroku and Sango you seek, they are down under yon tree. By the bridge. Inuyasha, well he is off on his own venture." Kaede gave an almost imperceptible shrug of her shoulders and a knowing glance, then turned towards an approaching villager, slick with blood.

It wasn't a bad cut so Kagome bowed slightly, thanked Kaede and turned away.

Kagome hefted her bag and tottered toward her friends. After all the greeting and fussing was done, they sat down and discussed with Kagome their options. Either continue looking for the shards like normal and hope Naraku would find them, or, as Inuyasha would prefer, hunt him down. Even with the trail cold and his scent all but vanished, Inuyasha was still adamant on tracking him. He could easily be manipulated, they thought, by Kagome if she were to sense another shard nearby.

"That makes the most sense. Where is he?" When they didn't respond to her right away, Kagome suspected the worst, ignoring the knowing thought that invaded her mind. "Is he hurt? Did something happen to Tetsuiga?"

"No, not exactly. We tried to keep him here but…" Sango bit her lip and looked at Miroku. He didn't meet Kagome's gaze.

"Kikyo." Kagome was right. She wasn't sure how she should feel about his meeting her.

 _I mean really. I'm not his keeper. He has every right to go see that woman. And I have every right to… Nothing._

It was only a few moments before Inuyasha marched into the clearing and jumped up into the branches of the tree. He didn't look at Kagome nor did he greet her. Kagome was a little shocked and hurt he ignored her and wondered if she perhaps should have stayed in her own time as she thought earlier. At least then he might notice her if her presence was not felt.

 _He's thinking of Kikyo. He always is when he doesn't see me._

Perhaps, thought Kagome, he was still burnt about being 'sat' so much and refused to meet her gaze because he was sulking. At least that's what she told herself. He couldn't look at her because he was still mad, not because she looked so much like the woman he loved. The woman that killed him. Kikyo.

Instantly Kagome was aware of the tension he brought back to the group. His slyness, avoidance. She smiled brightly at her friends and called up to Inuyasha who, with a bit of goading, came down out of the tree.

"Sorry I took so long Inuyasha. I had more than I thought to do. You know. Back home."

His eyes never met hers as he scoffed and grunted at her.

"I'm sorry I made you," Kagome caught herself before she said the word. "Sorry you were hurt by me when I last left. I won't do it again."

He flicked his eyes at her but turned away again. There was something there, in the way he looked at her as he mumbled a slow response. "Don't worry about it."

Kagome swallowed thickly. "Why won't you look at me? Inuyasha?"

She questioned him louder, harsher than she meant to when he frowned and lifted a lip. "Inuyasha, look at me!"

He turned with surprise on his face. Kagome was filled with black tar, thick and gooey anger. Still his gaze was not on her but somewhere over her head, fixated on a point that was anywhere but her eyes.

"You're thinking of her again aren't you? That's why you can't… Won't look at me?" Kagome's voice was steady, but her hands started to shake.

 _\\\Hurt him. Hit him. Yell. Scream. Run. Sit, sit,sit! /_

A small voice in the back of her mind intruded on her own thoughts, filling her head with even more poison. Inuyasha still avoided her gaze, though his face was no longer lined with dark emotion. It was pale and nervous even.

"Say my name. Inuyasha say my name!" Kagome stepped right to him, looking up into his face. He still refused eye contact but balanced on the balls of his feet, almost as though he anticipated a physical fight. Her first thought was insulted then pleased. He feared her. He was weak. He may be able to destroy demons, handle a fight, but where the flesh was concerned he was weak. Like a child. Kagome shook her head and grabbed his hair, pulling down his head so they were level. She whispered. "Say. My. Name."

 _\\\Hurt him. Make him see. Pain. Rage. Hurt, let it out. /_

"I knew it." Kagome spat at him and he stepped away, shocked.

The voice in her head wasn't unpleasant. It was smooth. Deep. But she didn't want to hurt Inuyasha, not really. Not yet. No matter how much he hurt her it wasn't worth it. He wasn't worth it. Instead, she turned away and walked back toward the well. She knew she didn't intend to go home as she left her bag in the grass beside Sango, but she couldn't stand to be there, to be near Him. She didn't really have a destination in mind but this way was the most familiar to her.

At the well she paused, searching for something within herself that would tell her it was going to be okay. Anything. Anything at all that would lead her to find some semblance of peace. All she could see was the chaos. The beginning of the end of the world. She broke off and wandered toward the God Tree, the one thing she could always count on. Under the strong limbs she fell against the bark, breathing deeply and as calmly as her heart would allow.

 _Why does he have to hurt me so? Why did he go and see her?_

Her mind led her backwards, to memories she wished she could rip out of her head. She remembered the horrible moment her soul was ripped from her body. The lack of physical embodiment, the inability to hold her spirit together. She was given to that clay doll, heard her voice begging Inuyasha not to call her name. It all happened so fast, though she couldn't remember how she got back into her own body. That doll. It still held onto a piece of her, Kagome's soul. For it was Kagome's soul. Kikyo died long ago. She had no right to that piece anymore. She was dead. Kikyo had no right to try to kill Inuyasha with a piece of Kagome's heart.

A dark thought entered her mind and she flinched at its ferociousness. At the forwardness with which she proposed it. _If Inuyasha is going to die, it should be by my hand, shouldn't it?_

 _No._

Kagome wasn't entirely convinced it was just her mind that shoved this barbaric idea into her head and she rattled the bottle of shards around her neck, as though they had something to do with it. _They're just shards. That's all. I'm just angry. At Inuyasha for abandoning me. Friends don't want to kill friends though. What's wrong with me?_

Kagome laid her head back against the bark and slid down to the base of the tree trying not to think anymore. Of the horrific thoughts. Of the Jewel. Of the moment Inuyasha and Kikyo recently shared. But she couldn't help but speculate. _Did they kiss? Did they hug? Maybe they fought._ The only thing Kagome managed to do was make herself feel horrible. The only thing she felt was a resentment towards Inuyasha. A continuous stream of hatred towards her rival. She understood again how it was she was able to wish death upon another human. No, not a human but a specter. An imitation of life. It wasn't horrible to wish death upon a dresser and she was no different. This time she was not worried about the direction her thoughts traveled. Kikyo's death would be okay, and she entertained visions of Kikyo's demise in her mind.

X

The voice, while not actively engaged with Kagome, was always there, hidden within a pocket deep in her brain. Whispering. Talking. Hinting. Molding. The scariest part of the voice was its ability to diminish the threat is posed to the host body; was its ability to mask its presence so as not to alarm the being it has chosen to take refuge within. Kagome wouldn't even know what was happening inside her. Didn't know. She wouldn't even see it coming.

X

 **Say My Name - Godsmack**


	5. Chapter 4 - Never, Forever

Chapter 4 – Never, Forever

Inuyasha could only stare off into the river as Kagome attacked and then left him. He caught her face out of the corner of his eye and what he seen didn't worry him as much as it did frighten him. That wasn't the sorrowful face of the girl he could always count on the forgive him, to give him another chance. That was the face of a girl who was just done. Done with the bullshit, done with the conversation, done with his so called two faced ways. He wasn't sure if she would even come back.

What could he have said to her to make her stay? What could he say? How could he have apologized and promised it would never happen again when he and everyone else knew that was a stupid lie? How could his lips, lips that tenderly caressed Kikyo's name, that wished to touch her cold dead skin even form the name that is Kagome? How could say her name when all he could think about was Kikyo? How could he betray either of them like that?

His head was a mess, and his face portrayed it with such pitiful accuracy that his friends didn't even have to explain what the problem was to him. They only looked with sympathy. Sympathy for Kagome, a withering pity for the wandering dead Kikyo and a veiled disgust for Inuyasha's ways. Even Miroku with his lecherous habits shook his head in exasperation.

Sango, who saw both Inuyasha and Kagome's faces at the moment of eruption, spoke first. "You have to stop leading her on like this. It isn't fair to Kagome. You have to get her back and promise to stop this pussy footing around. Kikyo is dead Inuyasha. Kagome is not. Like it or not the dead have no place among the living. It's simple as that."

"I know."

"Sango's right Inuyasha, you have to tell her how you feel or let her go." In an undertone Miroku added, regretfully "Of course make sure you get the shards back first." Miroku, with a bright red hand mark across his face, stood up knowingly. He nodded, understanding the error of his ways. He rummaged around Kagome's bag and clicked open a fizzy beverage, humbled by Sango's reactive hand.

"I Know." Inuyasha growled again.

"Yeah Inuyasha. What a cad! She should drop you like a ton of rocks!" Shippo jumped onto Inuyasha's shoulder and grabbed his hair, pulling ever so slightly. "What do you expect her to do? She can't wait for you forever, and you're hurting her every day because of it. Do you want her to leave forever?"

"No!" Inuyasha exploded, his eyes flickering a dull red. "You all act like I'm some sort of pervert getting it from two girls at once! Do you think I like this? That this is what I want? Do you think I enjoy hurting Kagome? Of course I don't want her to leave, but I… Oh I don't know!" Inuyasha screamed at them, carelessly swiping Shippo off his shoulder. He hit the ground head first and groaned but said nothing more.

Inuyasha shook his head and cleared his thoughts, pushing the anger and trapped feelings down. He took a great leap, clearing the river in one jump and rushed off into the adjacent trees. He ran opposite of Kagome own escape route.

Sango and Miroku were left once again to wonder what will become of their group while an injured Shippo nursed his lumped head. This wasn't the first time, nor would it be the last time that they had to interfere in order to keep their team together.

At what point will it be the last? Miroku mused while he leaned back and savored the sun after the chilly argument of earlier.

They were always having to push Inuyasha towards the correct path, sometimes shoving and sometimes nudging, but leading all the same. Though this time their tactic was flawed and Inuyasha was rebelling against their words, they still believed he would make it better. That he had a heart under all that demon bravado.

Sometimes they had to wonder if he was too stupid to understand the points they made about his situation, or if he just didn't care. They hoped it was the former. A man that doesn't care would trouble for a certain smitten teenager.

"Poor Kagome. I hope she's okay." Miroku, surprising Sango, spoke first of his anxieties. His worries were, if anything, honorable and that of nothing more than a bothered comrade, but Sango found them charming attributes to have in a friend. In someone, maybe one day more?

X

Inuyasha stopped running after nearly a half hour. Kagome's faint perfume scent started to fade, though the persistent smell of grave soil clung to his robes with determination. He couldn't escape Kikyo. He didn't even actually see her. He just… Touched a tree she was in hours before his arrival. He sloshed through a shallow stream before settling down in the upper branches of a large unnamed tree. He sat there still as a corpse, only moving when the breeze ruffled his sleeves. Her scent was still overpowering.

He was plagued by thoughts. Thoughts, feelings and random bits of emotion that flashed through him like a thousand drops of rain might tickle a large lake. He was of course angry. How could they dare to say that he was enjoying hurting Kagome? Or at least insinuate such a thing. She is dear to him in a way that Kikyo will never ever be, the same as Kikyo is special to him in a way Kagome can't be. They both touched him in different ways and continue to make him feel in different ways, so long as their hauntingly similar looks are set aside.

He sighed. It was no use. There was no way to let either of them go. It was impossible. The panic he felt when he almost lost Kagome to the Thunder Brothers was painful enough without thinking about, willingly or not, letting her go. It was probably a little selfish but what else could he do? Kikyo was back, and he owed her something of himself for the pain she went through, for the pain he caused. No, he couldn't turn his back on her with that debt hanging over his head. He lived, she didn't. It was a jumbled mess.

 _I can't let Kagome go, but I can't lose Kikyo for a second time either. God please help me._

Inuyasha sat there, perplexed as the sun continued to rise in the sky and start its descent. It was late morning, or early afternoon however you preferred to put it before Inuyasha finally stirred from his tree. His deep introspection led him to many dead ends. There was just no straight path. Of course he didn't expect the path would get any easier. That's what he was on now, the easy path. By leading both women along he was effectively shrugging off responsibility for his actions, leaving them, mostly Kagome, to wallow in the wake he left behind. She was drowning and he couldn't stop pushing her under.

 _Why can't I have both?_

He closed his eyes and tried to imagine letting go of either women. First Kagome. Then Kikyo, and finally letting go of both. Having both was preferable for him but wouldn't work for the girls. He felt like they were attached to him by strings. The closer he drew to one side or the other the tighter the thread pulled, and with enough force would snap, dropping one of his loves into a dark abyss; the one he didn't choose. But the longer he stood centered the tighter Kagome's thread pulled anyway. He was losing her and he hadn't even made his choice yet.

A sudden image of Kagome lying flat on the ground, her chest still and her breath stopped hit him with a sudden panic attack. She stared at him with glassy eyes, blood dried over her cream skin and white uniform, dripping out of her shocked mouth. He couldn't speak, couldn't breathe. Kikyo stood off to the side, her own calm face contorted in pain as she stepped toward him. Her lips parted but no words came out, just a dying scream that echoed on and on. She faded to dust before his eyes, returning to that which she was made from. He tried to call out to her but again no voice sounded. He grabbed at Kagome, but she disappeared before he could touch her chilled skin. He was alone. Alone, but not lonely. The jewel floated above his head and asked him one question. One simple question.

Which one do you want back? Which one?

He couldn't choose.

He heard Kagome call to him from the other side, screaming in the dark, saying his name with pain in her voice. Fear. She started to fade the longer he listened until he could no longer hear her faint cries of terror. She was gone. Gone. It cut like a knife to not hear voice and Inuyasha silently screamed for her to come back. Kikyo only whispered in the background, haunting him as she did for 50 long years in his coma.

He opened his eyes in a panic, letting himself calm down before becoming sullen again. He was shaken. He was shaken and it angered him that such a dramatic response was elicited from just a stupid day dream. It also became heartbreakingly clear to Inuyasha, in this moment of divine reflection that he couldn't choose between them. That given the chance to save one, he would falter and lose them both.

It was also clear that his choice was not the only choice that mattered. At this point neither woman would take him, would they? Kikyo is an angry spirit and Kagome. Oh Kagome. She was walking in a direction that no longer had room for him. As though she was starting to not need him. It wasn't enough for him to walk with her anymore. She was starting to hate him. And still he stood unresponsive, unsure of what to do. Lost, like a puppy.

X

 **Never, Forever – Chelsea Grin**


End file.
